Relationships.. in a nutshell. Expectations in the present day.

In the dating world today, it can be frustrating. Some people like varieties of dates. Some people are scare of commitment. Some people are more benevolent than others. Some date to get what they want; whether sex or materialistic things. But one asks, what is a relationship nowadays and what should one expect?

In an ideal relationship, as movies portray it, but I see it in real life too, people say they married their best friend. We don’t have to date the ones we were best friends with in elementary school, but what it really means is a relationship is built on learning about each other, accepting each other’s mistakes, flaws, and greatness from their past and growing together. In an ideal relationship, there should never be expectations or obligations. One should never feel obligated to text “Good Morning” or “How is your day?”, though we do it naturally because we care. The recipient should not feel like they are being interrogated or cringe at the fact they have to report to their “significant other”. A relationship is a beautiful thing and nothing should feel forced. No woman should be expected to perform sexual favours at the sight of their lover, just like no man should be expected to pay for every dinner.

A relationship is about trust, honesty, communication and passion. A relationship is creating a hope that the future is a happy one and not a lonely one with each other by our side. A relationship is also supposed to be an addition to life, not taking away from it. I witness too many relationships where people neglect their friends and hobbies just to be with their boyfriend/girlfriend. The key to a successful relationship is to have other hobbies other than the relationship itself.

This brings me to the next topic. When we pick who to settle down with, do we decide based on values and needs? Or based on emotion and support? But let me back track, all good relationships does not necessary have to be opposites, but intellectually, emotionally and sexually be attracted to each other. But, should you pick a person because they do all your laundry, clean your car, cooks you meals (or pays), listens to you, provides you with everything you need to a future of success? Or should you pick the person who will provide awesome sex, and a few text messages here and there? In order for a relationship to work, it is important to let emotions tell you if you are happy or not. Happiness is whether your heart and brain smiles at the thought of the person because of everything they MEAN to you. Pleasure is a small part of long term happiness, but understanding each other and knowing you have someone to fall on in the good and bad is critical.

Lastly, show them the real you from the get-go. It is scary to open up to someone. But isn’t it better to just tell and show them who you really are, and not wait the 3-4 month when the honeymoon phase is over to realize… I’m not liking this change in personality, because we have now deceived our partners.

100% Dating and relationships is scary. But when you take the risk and dive in. Chances are, the odds are in your favour. No dating experience is the same, so never reflect back on how you failed, just note what made you happy and continue from there.